He makes me feel electric.

Demented state: happy

It seems to me that trying to be reasoned and intellectual about being childfree to those who are adamant for you to procreate seems a bit flawed. These folks aren't going to suddenly hear your reasons and ever agree, so why try? Thus, I prefer to answer such questions with the most absurd answers possible.

Inspired by a post three or so ago, I give you my own childfree answers.

Why don't you want kids?

Because it's against the law, you perv!
Because I'm a nihilist, and there are no father-son picnics for that.
In the world? Geeze, what kind of person do you think I am?

Why don't you have kids?

The doctor told us to stop eating rich foods, and no one has invented "soy-kids" yet.
These are new pants.
They didn't come standard with my car, and by cracky I wasn't going to pay the dealer-prep for that!

When are you going to have kids?

Right now. I presume you have a hotel room nearby?
Any second now; I presume you are familiar with asexual budding?
We haven't decided yet, but it will be on Pay-Per-View, so watch for it.

Don't you want someone to carry on the family name?

Indeed, you're right. I'm a Wagglepenis, my father was a Wagglepenis, his father a Wagglepenis; my god, the Wagglepenis line must not end with me!
William Shakespeare has no living descendents, and he wrote some of the most important works in the English language. I, on the other hand, play PS2 games and have to talk to people like you. As far as preserving bloodlines, which is the greater tragedy?
NO! I am the ultimate and there will be none after me! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! (and if you have a sword handy, that makes it work even better)

Don't you want someone to care for you in your old age?

Well, I'm feeding my parents to wolves when they can no longer take care of themselves, so...
Nah, then I'd feel guilty about pre-spending their inheritance.
So I should give birth to home-care nurses?

Don't you think you're selfish for not wanting kids?

Well, yes, but I get over my guilt by "donating to charity," if you know what I mean. I "give back to the community," wink wink. (And then adamantly refuse to explain anything more.)
No, I think I'm selfish because I steal jam packets from IHOP. Anything beyond that is gravy.

You're defying nature's intent! EVERYONE should have kids! It's not normal not to want children!

Yeah, I live in a city where I don't get mauled by bears or eaten by wolves. I'm good with defying nature.
I'm pretty sure Nature didn't intend for me to pay $200K for someone else's lame college degree.
It's also not normal to win a Nobel Prize; lack of normalcy seems to work out for them.

But kids will make you so happy! How can you be happy without children?

Because I'm a sad clown. Everyone loves a sad clown!
Because now I don't have to share my toys.
Nancy Reagan taught me to "JUST SAY NO!"

Some in general responses:

You have convinced me. The power of your persuasion has filled my loins with need. Indeed, my genitals burn with the power of procreation. GAZE UPON MY JUNK, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR for now I MUST PROCREATE, STARTING WITH YOU!

Well, if I do anything, I'd want to be the best. And the Duggars are 18 kids up on me, so I can't really be the best there, can I?

The Bible says that it is better to spill your seed into the filthiest whore than to spill it upon the ground. I'm in the midst of a 20-year study to see if that's true; I'll forward the results to you, if you like!

Well, I would have kids, but my S.O.'s parents are real Bible literalists. And as it says in 1 Kings 18:25 "The king desireth not any dowry, but only a hundred foreskins." Fifty-six and counting; cross your fingers!


So, what do you got? Let's get a good database going for the CF folks who want to confuse others into submission.

We just adopted a puppy... German Shepherd, 4 months old.

My BF of 3 years went to flew to Minneapolis last night to see a concert (Gigantour)... which 1. He couldn't have done if we had kids.

Last night... as I was trying to get puppy ready for sleepy time, she went BALLISTIC! All upset that she couldn't find BF anywhere! She was pacing around the house, went into his room (music studio 2. He couldn't have if we had kids)... and generally just cried everywhere and would not calm down.

Fast forward 2 hours later, BF calls from the Minneapolis airport to say he's landed safely, and literally has to talk to the DOG over the phone to get her to calm down and lay down and go to sleep.

This made me think: If it took nearly 3 hours to get a puppy to realize that a significant other is gone for a while.... how would it be doing so for a child... or explaining a divorce or custody right to a child.

Nope, I'll stick with rambunctious puppies... thanks!

I am amused that whenever there are lots of childfree posts on my friends page, that the ads are always for things like "Vote Pro-Life Items". "Fertility and Conception". "How to get Pregnant". I refreshed a few times just to see what would come up, and it was pretty much all about the babies. There was one for contraception.

Tags: childfree
Demented state: mellow

And they announced it on the Today show this morning, my mom was not happy about it. And the thing is, neither was one of the Duggers' children was happy about the new addition to the family. He looked a bit angry at his mom for bringing in another child. I think that boy is going to be the childfree one of the group.

My mom looked at her and said how in the bloody world does that woman do it all and stay sane at the same time. I would never ever have more then what our pocket book could handle and we could only handle three kids.

I told her that it is possible that they get monetary help from others or that the specials that they do on the Discovery Health Channel they pay them off for it. But if that's what makes them happy, so be it. I'm not fond of that family's yearly pregnancies and the only reason why they show up on the Today show is to announce the next Dugger member growing within her, even the Today show knew she was pregnant by the new co-host giving the unborn baby a onesie, but for the kids themselves.

Needless to say, Discovery Health channel is filming them for a special coming out this fall dealing with their next baby.

Pretty soon, they're need to add onto the house to make room for the new additions to the family!

Demented state: annoyed

Yesterday I was reading my current issue for June. I came across an article they had about different types of married couples which included:

Covenant Marriage
Second Marriage
Polyamorous Marriage
"Average" Marriage (people who married at the average age for the US)
Long Distance Marriage
Child-free by choice
Same-Sex Marriage
Married Later In Life
Married Young

Well I was psyched to read about the child-free couple. I was impressed that it did not say child-LESS by choice which I find a lot.

I've typed up the article under the cut if you're interested.

( Section of article about the CF couple )

The section of the article about them included a cute photo of them with their cat and dog on their deck:)

It's always nice to see something like this where it's positive. Now, I am not married and may never marry but it's still something I could relate too.

Demented state: impressed

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2809263.html?menu=news.quirkies

( Inserted cut, not that it's long. )

I would consider this a Childfree issue because it touches the very heart of how many of us remain childfree.
This prompted what was likely one of the most revolted reactions I've ever had. I could taste the aura of bile coming off this organization. The link leads you to a post on Feministing about the American Life League's "The Pill Kills" campaign. Quoted from both the post and the site itself:

On June 7th, the anniversary of the Supreme Court decision that gave married people the right to use contraception, the American Life League, along with Pro-Life Wisconsin and Pharmacists for Life International Associate groups want you to join them in protesting in front of facilities that distribute birth control products. The national day against contraception, Protest the Pill Day '08: The Pill Kills Babies, was started to convince the American people of a simple and imaginative idea: attempting to prevent abortion is abortion too.

Emphasis was mine.
If you sift through their website you'll note that under "side effects" they list several religious papers as their sources a